Relationships are never plain sailing really. But in an era where we are all glued to our phones; a tune on our phone could signal a thousand possibilities- it has made the dating game harder still. I would describe myself as a loyal person, yet I still have Tinder. But the fact that I have dating apps on my phone- what does that say about me? Or does it not say anything about me, is it now the norm?
The thing is, I have too many times deleted Tinder, thought “yup I really like this guy” for then a week later be back trying to re download Tinder, as everything has just come crashing down. So it makes sense, to me, to keep Tinder and all my other dating apps just in case everything goes tits up. It seems cold and callous, but this is the modern era of dating…
I’m not the kind of girl to go rooting though someone’s phone, and I wouldn’t expect my partner to either. But we are weak when it comes to our phones, as the slightest sound vibrating from it, manages to grasp all our attention. It’s not for any other reason, than it being drilled into us that a noise means there is an alert and out reaction is to respond to it. Dating apps, in particular, are very addictive. Especially on days when you’re feeling really down in the dumps, it can be the little pick me up you’ve been craving. Of course my partner is going to tell me I look beautiful when I don’t feel it, my friends will tell me I look amazing and my family are going to tell me “it’s what’s on the inside that matters”. But sometimes I want a stranger to tell me I look hot, that they think my body is amazing, that I have great hair or a pretty smile. Not because I’m an attention seeker, but its someone new and they have now, without knowing, kicked me back into feeling good about myself. I now feel confident in wearing the dress my partner said I look amazing in for the 100th time, whilst I stand there questioning his motives over why he is telling me I look good. In a world where we are surrounded by ‘perfect’ lives and ‘dream’ bodies, the slightest post can have us feeling from hot to not real quick.
Comparison is a dangerous thing, yet we do it so quickly and so often. Scrolling through Instagram as a couple, looking at other couples I sometimes think- is our relationship normal? Probably not. But then again what is normal? And normal means different things to different people (sociological I know). But I’ve been with too many people, where from an outsider looking in- you’d think our relationship is ‘normal’, yet I’m bored and fidgety and not myself. So when you find someone that you can be your complete self with-isn’t that what we all want- to feel secure and ourselves? Regardless of how normal or weird our relationship may look to an outsider; its our insider experience that counts.
Both me and my partner openly discuss everything- from world views, political views, life values, goals and aspirations (we do laugh and have fun as well), sexual fantasies, the good, the bad and the ugly. We share our ill health, I share my woman problems- everything and anything is discussed with no judgement passed. Right now I’m suffering with ovary cysts (so painful) and he knows it all and doesn’t squirm about it. He’s a feminist and gets annoyed when things aren’t equal, he understands my annoyance when people touch my hair- he knows and shares it all. So in that sense our relationship is normal right?
But who decided what is normal and abnormal in a relationship? There is no rule book on dating, there is no “This Is the Perfect Relationship- Strive For It” guide- we get our ideas of a perfect relationship from Hollywood, from Instagram and from moments people share.
At Valentine’s my best friend from work got a call to say there was something waiting in reception for her. I went with her to see what it was and whilst she welled up with tears, I burst out laughing- that here was this giant wine bottle with a single rose in it. To me, I thought it was pointless and I was thinking about the cost of it- to her- it was such a romantic gesture. I’ve done a post before about being an Unromantic Romantic and unless I meet some French lover who serenades me with croissants and crème brulee then I don’t think I’m ever going to be stereotypically romantic.
The thing about relationships, like with anything- its personal to you. Not one glove fits all- and in this day and age- anything goes.
I hope you are having a wonderful day.